do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
