I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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