are you so shy because you have an std?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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