there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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