Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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