Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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