Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
