I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Randomize
