I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
