I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
