I faked an abortion last night.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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