Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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