I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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