You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
