i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
