Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He kissed a someone with a penis
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
