I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
