He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
