PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
