Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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