No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
