I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My pussy is not your playground.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You were trust falling into bushes
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
