you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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