i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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