I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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