I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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