Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
