I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
