I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
