i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
