sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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