Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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