I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
