This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wish you could order shots online.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
