I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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