her facebook's as public as her vagina
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
