I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
