we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
