My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
