is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize