Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
