if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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