I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
