The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
