I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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