I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
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