Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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