he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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