if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
