How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
