I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
