I wanna passion pit in your ass
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
