he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
