I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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