Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
