Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
