Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
