A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
