DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
