I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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