called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
