I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
don't judge my taste in strippers
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
