its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
