he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
