Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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