I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I love having hate sex.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
