Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
