Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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